It is 4:12 am and I have already been up for some time. I love the early morning but 2:30 or 3:00 is too early even for me. In the last couple weeks I have been finding it hard to live the life I love with the energy I generally have. I spend a lot of my days on my own with my list and haven't found as much time for creativity as I had planned. I've been wondering a lot how to bring people in and share this vision in a way that inspires people to create but somedays I don't feel that creative.
If anyone had asked if I would be so conflicted after nearly 3 months with our doors open and our first juried show on the wall I think I would have laughed. I love it...I hate it...I love it...I hate...Actually, hate is a strong word. It isn't hate rather it is trepidation that I may not be achieving what I set out to do. I know another strong word but a more accurate one. I know that worry isn't good and isn't truly profitable. In the last couple weeks, it has forced me to consider the reason creativity is a bit elusive these days. I think like many things in life it comes down to realistic expectations and real responses when things don't work out the way you plan.
In each we have a choice, to hide in a corner dashed or to re-evaluate and move forward with more knowledge thankful for the learning experience. If one is willing to re-frame one's paradigm and step back out with new energy, I think good things can come from dashed expectations.
I hoped to create a community of artists who wanted to make their livings making the art they love, so I built what I thought would be a community of young energetic emerging artists. Almost as soon as I had signed the lease on the most beautiful building, several in that community of artists (who couldn't "wait for me to open the door") walked away, for a plethora of reasons most concerning financial struggles. I am not trying to judge these folks. Life happens. That is not the point. The point is, instead of worrying about who I thought would join us and how they would be involved, I have an opportunity to go out and meet new folks who want to learn about the things we have to offer. It isn't really a bad thing when you think about it. Good business tends to be involved in good and consistent networking and so, ideally I've been creating a new or in some cases rediscovered network of folks who are ready to create art in a beautiful space.
Will this be enough? Who knows. I can't tell that in the little time that we've been there. I do know that we are gearing up for some very fun and interesting projects and we are hoping these things will bring in a host of people who are excited about printmaking and book arts, drawing and writing. This past week I was blessed to be invited into a new community of artists, the Racine Art Guild to share what we are doing and the excitement and new energy, questions and interest gave me some new energy. This weekend we start life drawing every Friday. Next weekend the new book arts guild starts meeting. July's summer classes for kids are nearly filled and we are recruiting teen writers and artists for Pocket Renaissance. Now if only the sun would come out of hiding!
On a sadder note - This past week a dear friend went home to heaven. Sue was one of the most amazing people I have ever known. She has fought a very long battle with ovarian cancer, and I don't think I ever heard her complain. Amazing! Today as I contemplated spurring on my own creativity I have her words rolling around in my brain. Two weeks ago I stopped in to visit her at hospice. I wanted the opportunity to thank her. My precious friend thanked me for "living my gifts." Though, I don't think that being able to live a life doing what you love to do is something for which one deserves to be thanked. I am so humbled by this. I do not give a gift as an artist rather I am given a gift.
Thank you Sue for your reminder. I will try to go and "live my gifts." So many of us have been blessed by having known you and will miss you.
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